This poem was very difficult to write, and I am not at all happy with it. But those are the breaks. I committed to this stupid, infuriating, dehumanizing exercise, and damn it, if it leaves me curled up in a ball on the bathroom floor twitching and writhing, I'll finish it.
The reasons this was difficult:
1. My closeness to the subject matter.
2. Using pop references in a poem is very tricky. You don't want to spell too much out, but you limit understanding if people don't know to what you are referring.
3. It's got a clunky metaphor, and that's never easy. How obvious do you make it? Is it too vague? Are you only seeing the sense behind it because you know what it means?
4. I've wanted to write this poem for several years and it never worked. Which is why I chose to write it when I have no choice but to write something. But that doesn't always produce good work.
Without further whiny disclaimers:
Christmas Music
Our first Christmas as a family of just four
brought snow as high as the windows.
A small morning in a small house.
We had a real tree. We would never
not have a tree, no matter what else
was missing.
My father put on The Carpenters Christmas Portrait
and made coffee. My first soothe
of milky darkness. Let your heart be light.
Two brothers: one found his affection
and it smoothed my hair. The other
gave me a cd wrapped
in Sunday comics.
Later there was a party across the snow city.
Our little Nissan slid its way,
Merry Christmas finger-written on the windows.
My brother pushed in the new cd.
The song turned our faces away from each other.
She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly.
We thought of the same brick.
The brick flew through our windows.
The brick landed on our toes.
The brick had a note taped to it
that we didn't need to read.
The brick sat cold.
The brick didn't move
if you kicked it.
The brick didn't hear
if you cursed it.
The brick wasn't a night light.
The brick didn't want you.
The brick may be affixed to your feet
as a means of finishing you off.
One of us hit play again.
It Matters To Me: A Podcast
4 years ago
5 comments:
Wow...I think it is very powerful. I completely "got" all of the references and thought it moved along nicely. I'm so glad you're doing these exercises, as gut-wrenching as they may be!
this one gave me chills. i think it is wonderful.
Clunky, my ass. I think the metaphor totally works. I know you were having an insanely tough time even considering how to go about writing this, but I think--ESPECIALLY for a first draft--you totally nailed it. The information you give alluding to the song/the CD is just perfect, actually. I get it, but I don't feel it's been oversimplified for the sake of me getting it at all. I am so happy you're writing! (And that my prophesy about you still being a badass poet was right.)
Hey, snow city! I know that place!
This is beautiful. It makes me feel a little sad because you've told me the story of this day but I really love it.
Very, very, very, good. If I wasn't so damn Manly I could've teared up, but alas, I am only a Man. I remember that car ride, so well, listening to that song over and over which is so interesting to me because I don't remember being in Milwaukee for Xmas or the logistics of us getting there; how and why, which brings me to my demanding of more! poetry! please! You're the best.
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